Key Takeaways
The first message you send in online dating matters a lot. It sets the tone for the conversation and can significantly influence how the other person perceives you.
Sexually explicit content in the first message is generally viewed negatively, especially by women and those seeking long-term relationships.
Men and those seeking casual relationships tend to view sexually explicit content less negatively, but not positively.
The motives for using online dating apps play a significant role in how people react to the first message. Those seeking long-term relationships react more negatively to sexually explicit content than those seeking casual relationships.
The First Message: Making a Good Impression
In the world of online dating, the first message you send to a potential match is your initial opportunity to make a good impression. It's your digital handshake, your virtual smile, and it can set the tone for the entire conversation. But what exactly constitutes a good first message? What should you say, and how should you say it? These are questions that have puzzled online daters since the dawn of the internet, and researchers Amanda E. Lilly and Emily M. Buehler decided to investigate.
Their research delves into the intricacies of online dating communication, shedding light on what makes a first message effective. The findings of their study provide valuable insights that can help anyone looking to improve their online dating game. Whether you're a seasoned online dater or a newcomer to the scene, understanding the science behind a good first message can significantly increase your chances of success.
The Impact of Sexually Explicit Content
The researchers' findings reveal that sexually explicit content in the first message is generally not well received. While this might seem like common sense to many, it's interesting to see this intuitive understanding confirmed by research. If you've ever been tempted to send a risqué opening line or an unsolicited explicit photo, these findings suggest that you might want to reconsider.
The study found that messages containing sexually explicit content were often unexpected and perceived more negatively than ordinary greetings. This suggests that such messages can be off-putting and may even harm your chances of forming a connection. So, if you're looking to make a good first impression, it's probably best to keep things clean and respectful.
Gender Differences in Reactions
The study also explored how men and women react differently to sexually explicit content in the first message. It found that women tend to view these messages more negatively than men. However, this doesn't mean that men view such messages positively. In fact, men's reactions were less negative than women's, but they were still not positive.
This suggests that regardless of the gender of the person you're messaging, it's generally best to keep the first message clean and respectful. It's important to remember that everyone has different comfort levels and boundaries, and what might seem harmless or funny to one person could be off-putting or even offensive to another.
The Role of Dating Motives
The study also highlighted the role of dating motives in how people react to the first message. It found that people who are using online dating apps to seek long-term romantic relationships react more negatively to sexually explicit content than those who are seeking casual relationships. This makes sense, as people looking for a serious relationship might see explicit content as a red flag, indicating that the other person is not serious about forming a meaningful connection.
This finding underscores the importance of understanding your own dating motives and being mindful of the motives of others. If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's important to communicate that in your profile and messages, and to be aware that not everyone on the app may have the same intentions.
Applying the Research to Your Online Dating Experience
So, what does all this mean for you? Here are some practical tips based on the research:
Keep the first message clean and respectful. Avoid sexually explicit content, as it's likely to be viewed negatively.
Tailor your approach based on what you're looking for. If you're seeking a long-term relationship, it's especially important to keep the first message respectful and focused on getting to know the other person.
Be aware of gender differences in reactions to first messages. Women tend to view sexually explicit content more negatively than men, so keep this in mind when crafting your message.
Conclusion
Online dating can be a minefield, but research like this can help us navigate it more effectively. By understanding how different factors like the content of the first message, the recipient's gender, and their motives for using the app can shape reactions, we can make more informed decisions and increase our chances of successful online interactions.
Based on the research "How do I say hello?": Expectancy violations theory and the role of gender and motives in shaping reactions to relationship initiation messages in online dating by Amanda E. Lilly and Emily M. Buehler.
